There are jobs. There are good jobs. There are bad jobs. Then, there are jobs that would be good if they would just ever end. Harbourview, one of our larger pains in the ass, er, I mean lucrative accounts, has now officially taken forever. We should have been done with this monster of concrete and steel over a month ago. It didn't happen that way. Everytime we're just about done and ready to call for inspection something else comes up that involves diving head first into another batch of problems. Stacy has been at work lately. though I don't think he should be, he's been lurking in the shadows making material lists for me and such. I can understand the mentality though. I know if I were given the prognosis that he was I'd be looking for any excuse not to think about it. He thinks people don't notice him kneeling in the corner holding his stomach or the pained look he gets from climbing a ladder, but we do.
Speaking of things that never seem like they're going to be done, I've reached a point in my RPG where I feel that it's "done" for a bit. I know from experience that playtest erases all of those feelings. Then again, that's what playtest is for. So, for those who have been waiting with baited breath...noth of you, it's ready to throw a storyline at. I know I'm sarcastic, and sometimes almost caustic when it comes to my accomplishments, but I have a bad case of "you're your own worst critic" syndrome bad. I love what i do. i love the things that I write. But just like everybody else I'm too critical about how it comes out. I know I draw well, but I look at everybody else's and realise that I'm not even at the same level that these other people are. It's a hard mirror to look into at times. I realise that these people have gone to school and taken classes, yada yada yada. I'm self-taught in everything that I do. i'm constantly trying to improve myself and my situation. But I don't feel like I've made it anywhere. It's probably something akin to the famous middle child feeling though I'm the oldest.
i've been feeling my age lately. not a whole lot considering I'm only 26, but there are extenuating circumstances to all of it. I have an enlarged heart. And I've been feeling that a lot lately. There are times at work that it feels like it's coming out of my chest from simply doing what I always do. It bothers me at times. My chest hurts and I can't explain why because I've been sitting for ten minutes. My doctor looked at me and told me when I was 14 that it was a ticking timebomb. A LOT of people will find this a suprise because I don't tell people about it. I don't want sympathy, and I don't want to be handled with kid gloves. I want to live my life how I want to; do the things that I want to. When the time comes, it just does. I guess seeing stacy the way he is kinda makes me think about it a little more.
I almost feel sorrow for the truly creative. I know what it's like to have three thousand thoughts going through your mind at once. Each one travels a strange course that ultimately arrives at a truly inspiring destination. I constantly have the urge to create and to destroy. I want to make something beautiful, tear it down to make something magnificent. I'm not happy simply creating and leaving good enough alone. I am constantly looking for the thread of inspiration that leads all great people to their one masterpiece. I don't know if I've found it yet, but I'm still looking. Great things come to those who wait and all that smack.
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