From the Frozen North...

I know it's been forever since I've blogged, but I just thought I'd go ahead and do it while i'm on vacation. I came home for christmas and it's been a lot of fun since I got here. I got a camcorder for Christmas so I'm gonna be taking a lot of video I see. It's been an absolute riot.

It Lives....

Just wanted to write a quick little something to say that I'm still alive. Unfortunately, I'm without internet at the moment. The funniest thing about being a new parent is, I've found, that there is a few things that you seem to re-prioritize as things go along. So, instead of the cable bill, I've bought diapers and such and supplies to remodel parts of the house. I have little weekend projects that I've been enthralled with so the internet will have to wait until I get things caught up. I've been practicing with my CSS in my "spare" time as well, and am getting to the point where I have it pretty much memorised...the important parts anyway. That's about all for now. I've gotta get things together and get ready for work in the morning....I'll return eventually.

Now That I Have Your Attention

I haven't really had much time to write in this thing since last weekend, but there is a very good excuse. Even better than "My dog ate my homework." I'm am the new owner of a 2003 model baby boy. His name is Patrick Everett Vance. He weighed 5lbs 12oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. Personally he's a little angel. I stayed up at the hospital until both him and yvonne came home, which should win some sort of award in itself. The little cot they brought me was engineered for maximum uncomfortability. Yvonne hasn't seen much of him since every opportunity I've been home he's been with me.

Someone should have published a handbook or something though. I was expecting the emotional from Yvonne afterwards, but no one prepared me for the emotional rollercoaster I've been on since Monday night. I look down at him while he's lying there and can't help but smile. It breaks my heart everytime he cries. I went through a good crying spell with him at the hospital. I'm sure there's no doubt in anyone's mind how much I love the little guy. I also see where the term "overprotective parent" comes from as well. I never want to see any harm or heartache come to him, and again it breaks my heart thinking about it, even though I know it's bound to happen sometime. I find myself wanting to get home just so I can see him. I also see where the term "Proud Daddy" comes from as well.

Which takes me to another topic, of which I'll be vague, but I'm sure the people who read this will know what, and/or whom, I mention when they read this. I don't see how anyone could leave their child, or claim that they don't love them. I don't care if it was conceived at a time when you weren't wanting/expecting/needing a child. My boss Stacy said it best I believe. He said "You don't plan for children. They happen and you just incorporate them into your life." Anyone who hates their child, or feels they don't love them, or just wants nothing to do with them, has no heart in their chest at all.

Another Sleepless Night. Another Boring Day

Well, as has become my trend over the last few weeks, my sleep has wittled down to nil. I was up until about 6am this morning chatting with friends and playing Gunbound. I've been a sucker for these online games lately, and for some reason this one has become all out addictive. It's uber cute but, if you liked the game Worms then you'll dig it. I was going through some old websites last night and I figured it was about time that I come up with another one. After the loss of the Hyperswitch server all of my pages have been in limbo. So, when that happens I'll put it up here for all you guys...all five of you.

On other breaking news, the Department of Highway Safety saw fit to send me a letter saying that my insurance company had reported me to them saying that I didn't have insurance. I have until the 22nd to bring them the insurance card from my insurance company...not just the agent, to them or i lose my license. Now I know everybody's saying "Bad Mike" but here's the way it actually happened. My policy was up with my current agent and since they'd hiked my premium up but at least ten dollars a month since I started the policy, I saw to it to find another insurance company. This was, um, Friday before last. I got a new policy and this week this letter arrives. Anyone who has car insurance knows that it takes somewhere around two weeks to a month to get the card from the company so I don't know quite how this is gonna work out. I'll figure it out I'm sure.

Well, I'm sure I'm about to pop back in to either Gunbound or Star Wars Galaxies so have a good day or something like that.

Weirdness..

I was thumbing through a few files i have backed up on cd from god knows how long ago, and I got a little melancholy. I dunno, but it's just kind of a longing for the way things used to be. Granted I haven't had an uber exciting life, but there's things i've been looking through that I realise that I miss a lot. We started talking about stuff in an online group I'm in, and the conversation swung towards the old Vampire: Redemption community, since a couple of the other members of the group were in teh clan I keep ranting and raving about through all of my psycho babblings on this thing. Some of the screenshots I've taken and some of the memories that were dredged up teh other night got me to thinking about everything else that I miss that's just gone by me. I live life pretty happy-go-lucky, and I guess this leaves me to take things for granted, that they're always gonna be there. And they're not, not like they used to be.

I think back on when I started this strange Internet trip that I've partaken in, of my own accord since probably around '96, though I'd been online over at chad's a while before that...closer to about 93 there. And I think back on when I was first learning HTML, and the excitement and awe I had over creating my own web page and sharing myself with the rest of the world. I put up the Poetry Corner, which to this point, has seen several incarnations. Then followed the Domain, which had all of my poetry on it, along with a few other things. The site was frankly ginormous. I think it weighed in at a grand total of about 84 separate pages on it. back in the infancy of my web designing, that was incredibly exciting. I could go on for hours about my web pages, frankly because there've been too many to count. But I think the first time I truly had FUN on the internet was when i started Vampire. This is probably why I keep ranting about it through all these months. It was the first time that I'd actually enjoyed my self, not only online, but in a game as well. I met some incredible people, formed some incredible bonds. Several, if not most, of these had deteriorated considerably in the meantime. And I think that's where the melancholy comes from. Much when I realised that the arcade was dead, I missed the experiences I had with those people, for good or bad. It seems like we get on now in a more-or-less friendly manner now, but not like it used to be.

So, I guess the moral of this story is to keep your friends and loved ones close, and your enemies closer, but keep all of them where you want them, because they can disappear just like that.

A pretty damn good time.

Last night we all ended up going out to dinner. A damn good friend of mine (one of the few i have left) from high school came into town. We started out at dinner at Appleby's, but we migrated after that and stayed up well past my bedtime. We had, or at least I had, a blast. We talked about all sorts of stuff, and even though it had been almost seven years, it almost seemed like it was just the next day. I wish the Starbucks had been open because I was sooo in the mood for a four shot mocha. Anywho, Jackie leaves thursday night, or afternoon and i'm sure i'll run into her at least once before she goes.

Wow...

I've been playing Star Wars Galaxies now for a few days....NON STOP. I promised chad I'd check it out when I got my new computer built. And I made good on that promise last weekend, in spades. I have a budding Pistoleer that's almost ready to progress. I'm sure I'm gonan play with it a little bit more when I come home. I don'thave too many complaints about the game really. I just wish they'd make with the vehicles....oh yeah, AND THE FUCKING JEDI!!!! But my Marksman/Medic/Artisan is coming nicely. matter of fact I'm thinking of scratching the medic field and picking up scout so I can go the way of the Bounty Hunter. Woot.

Hey There Everybody

I've taken a small break in Disgaea and thought it would be nice of me to come out here and post a bit. The next few posts are probably going to be a little unusual. The next couple of posts aren't going to be me bitching about something. I unearthed my old web page on the Vampire game I used to run and found that the narrative journals are still in place. So I'm probably going to be sprucing them up a little bit and posting them up here, kind of like a really crappy serial story. So keep reading as I go through them.

Things are going pretty good all around. I've been brainstorming amongst myself today about some comic ideas and concepts. So all things being equal I should at least have some rough sketches sometime soon.

Can I retract that last statement?

That last statement that I made has been rendered false. Disgaea now officially has my soul. The game is incredible...tactical RPG elements with an incredibly deep item and class system that lets you do pretty much whatever the hell that you want. Yvonne's playing it right now while we wait for the impending child to drop from her womb. Enough of that...back to my games...

Jedi Academy PwNz my soul

Sorry it's been so long between blogs, but I've been engrossed entirely in Jedi Academy. The same thing happened when Jedi Outcast came out, but this has been far far worse. It's pretty well been every available moment I get I've been playing in the multiplayer saber duels. I've been re-learning CSS in order to get this web comic into some sort of pre-production. It'd be nice to actually get it going this time around.

The Day that No One Updated.

My morning routine is quite simple. I get up and go out to the computer to check my e-mail and the web comics. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are great mornings because that's the schedule under which most web comics update. But not this morning. Not a single one updated. Usually if nothing else, Penny Arcade will have the comic up if not the newspost. Or hell at least one of them will have updated. That ws not to be this dark morning. I'm positive that they'll have updated this afternoon, but until then the day will be without mirth.

Stranger Things HAVE Happened

I was thinking today, and I seem to suffer from a strange affliction. Unlike the others the doctor says this one isn't immediately curable. I seem to work best under pressure. Though I believe it goes a step beyond that, I don't seem to work at ALL until the pressure is on. I can always find a reason to put something off until the deadline is straing me dead in the face, and then I can work magnificently. I don't quite understand it, but it comes in handy quite a bit. This webcomic is a brilliant example. I've been putting it off for a while now. I pretty well stopped drawing and things screeched to a halt. now that chad has the inkling to do it again the wheels have started turning and things are kicking into overdrive in my mind. I have it all worked out...the "master" plan if you will. And i know all i need is a date and I'll have everything done at the last conceivabl second. For some reason it's just the way that I prosper...

And Tonight....

Tonight's musical slection is The Cult. In my opinion they're one of the most underrated bands of all time. I think Ian Astbury has one of the best rock voices I've ever heard. As it says on their website. "Too Hard for Goth, too metal-edged for alternative." This would keep them pretty well out of the mainstream. But I really don't know anyone who doesn't know Fire Woman or She Sells Sanctuary nearly by heart. If you're ever bummin' around a cd store, check out their selection. Check out their compilation "Rare Cult" It would have to be the greatest compilation set I've ever seen, with over 90 tracks, and a bunch of unreleased stuff. The 80 page book that comes with it doesn't hurt either.

Finally coming back around.

Well everything was up and running..until Intel struck an unforeseen blow. In the process of getting everything back online I installed the Intel PRONet drivers, and it assimilated my USB network. This took me offline entirely. Though it was a minor setback, it does kinda leave me on schedule for my final act of vengeance to the Vampire community. Most of you know about my incredibly favorable view of the Vampire: Redemption community. The friends I made, along with the enemies were possibly the best I've had in an online experience. But tonight I'm going back in after nearly a year hiatus to wreak my last and final act of retribution opon said enemies. I believe Redemption will be a good term for what is about to happen. So if any of you reading this play, and are either a member of the Society of Elders, or know members...tell them to run. Run for the pathetic little online undead lives because tonight is payback for the Network Card, payback for the crashers and the hackers and the raids. Tonight there won't be an Elder Cainite who won't feel my fangs sink deep into their neck. And Renee...Hide in your locked room as you always do, it'll make it just that much more fun to find you.

The Battle is over...but there were casualties...

Well I'm posting this from my house tonight, so that can only mean one thing...HAL is up and running. It was a grueling battle but I came out on top...for the most part. My 13.6 gig Hard Drive; affectionately named Vinnie, was the first casualty. He bit it hard and will be greatly missed. Another casualty was EVERYTHING on my 80 gig hard drive. There were 7 years worth of music web pages, and various things that I had written...all gone. *sigh* Let the rebuilding commence i guess.

In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man is King

Well, the computer didn't go quite to plan. After I got it assembled I found that the motherboard (more than likely) was screwed so I've gotta take it to where I bought the parts (Unfortunately, Tech Advanced Computers) so they can "assemble" it, just in case I'm a fucking moron and can't build a computer on my own. So with any luck I'll be back online this weekend.

From an Undisclosed Location...

With my computer completely out of operation now, the next two days can't get here fast enough. If all goes well, HAL 3.0 will be online and completely operational by saturday afternoon. I can operate on the web in safe mode...very carefully. so far the only thing I can't access is my mail. For some reason HAL 2.0a doesn't like my mail. Oh well. I haven't been on it much anyway since it died. I've been playing my PS2, waiting for the next .Hack game to come out. Maybe write a longer one Saturday when I rejoin the world of the living.

Soon...

Well next Saturday will be the official birthday of HAL 3.0. I'm stripping down the current HAL next week and rebuilding him in a new case, processor and other assorted hardware. Next week I move up to 2.4 GHz. WoOt. I will have full functionality back instead of having to operate my computer in safe mode. It will be a thing of beauty that just can't be missed. For on that fateful day, I WILL RULE!! anywho, just letting everybody know that I'm still alive around here.

One Bong to Rule them All...

Sorry for the usage of Bong in the title, but I felt Water Pipe to be a little unwieldy in the title. Jon got this killer Hookah for his birthday. It's pretty damn slick. last night it was sitting on his dining table like some sort of centerpiece. Thursday was Yvonne's birthday and friday was Jon's, so we had a little celebration friday night to cover everything. Then we ate the mescaline and went swimming. Just kidding. I've been watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas lately, not to mention just finished the book again for what is probably the hundredth time. So I've been spouting quiotes from the books every now and then, as I'm sure you can tell by the title from a few days ago.

So we're in the mall playing DDR yesterday and chad is bemoaning his single-dom and I offer him sage advice, as I'm often paid to do. "Just point a girl out and go do your thing" is along the jist of what i tell him. And we're playing DDR and this chick is up there and chad decides to go for it there. what's truly sad is the first thing that came to mind was "Wow, someone actually listened". We played a fair bit of DDR yesterday. I was pretty damn stiff for the first couple of songs, so I looked truly rediculous on songs that I normally can ace no sweat. I think the chick is bad juju because as soon as she went to the bathroom I got my groove back. Well I guess as much groove as a 26 year old white guy can have. I'll have to hunt chad down to find out how the movie date went last night.

I'm probably gonna head up to the mall in a little bit to play some DDR. I'm thinking of being saucy and strating my conquest of Heavy, though I might wait until I'm a little better at Max 300 and Orion .78 on Standard first. I'm pretty decent, but not as decent as I'd like to be at them. I can whip through them on Light with no problem now, so if I can ace them on standard I think i'll feel like I've gotten my grasp of Standard.

HAL is reborn...kinda

After 2 straight days of struggling with this damn computer I finally have it back to some semblance of working. I tried to reinstall Windows no less than 7 times. My little Hard Drive is on the fast track to being fried I believe. Even after the reformat and installation its almost got more problems than it started with. So I'm gonna pick up a new Hard Drive Friday and hope that works. And now onto weather.

It's hotter than fuck. It was at least 95 yesterday and after the rain slacks up this morning I'm sure it'll get to somewhere around the same temperature. Thankfully I can't remember the last time that it went a full day without raining so it been pretty decent for the temperature. As long as it's raining that is. And now onto sports.

I picked up a few new games this weekend. From the same aforementioned Buy 2, Get 1 free sale at Gamestop. I picked up Super Bust-A-Move 2 for Yvonne. She loves those games so I have no problems picking one up every now and then. I used to play it back in the day, but I haven't since they felt the need to incorporate some sick idea of a story to it. I also picked up Robotech: Battlecry and Defender. Defender was really for the collection value. I'm a huge, what they would call now, retro-gamer. I love all of the old arcade games and games on teh Atari, which is where Defender comes in. It's a remake of the old Arcade/Atari Golden Age. In the original you flew this little ship and had to pick up colonists before the aliens killed them. It was pretty neat for the time. Well the new Defender ownz it entirely. In true Midway fashion they remade a classic into another classic. You get to pick from 6 ships, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. It's a fuckton of fun. Robotech: Battlecry on the other hand satisfies my Anime/transforming plane fixation. It's a nice looking, cel-shaded game that does incredible justice to the Robotech series. As you progress you can unlock new Veritech to pilot and color schemes and intervies and all sorts of neat stuff. The game relies heavily on you being able to effectively use your Veritechs transformation abilities. Trust me it's a mother fucker if you don't.

Well I think that's about all I have to rant about today.

We were somewhere around Barstow when the drugs began to take hold...

Today turned out to be a thoroughly enjoyable day. We picked up Yvonn'es little sister Nikki and went to the movies. We had to g to University mall since Nikki had never played the 8th mix machine. She did well I must admit. We all went to see Pirates of the Carribean. I loved the movie personally. It was a lot of fun to be sure. It had a kind of light hearted tone to it despite the overall action of the movie. Johnny Depp played an incredible pirate and really made the movie. I definitely reccomend it to anyone looking for a decent movie to check out.

I've been playing more and more of Legaia 2, and I think I figured out why. If you look at it in a different light, it kinda resembles the PnP game Exalted. The types of "Mystics" resemble the castes ad types of Exalted in the game, and the storyline kinda runs along the lines of how an Exalted game might run. If you're wanting to get into Exalted, and you have a PS2, I highly reccomend this game for some loose reference material.

My migraine the other night prompted me to take a jungle juice concotion of Lortab 7.5 and Demmoral. It made for an interesting night. It didn't have quite the expected effects however. I pretty well expected to be a pile of goo as everybody else was on just the demorral alone. I got a little fuzzy and things were slightly more humrous, but that was pretty much the extent of it. It certainly made the pain go away though.

My video card is going bad...really bad. I just had to go back to onboard video. ack. i miss it already. I know i'm not gonna be able to play my games, but i'm sure i can hold out until friday when i get paid. I'm gonna start work on a new computer as well. it's gonna be pretty slick, and will hopefully keep me ahead of the curve for a year or two at least.

Coronary? Yes, I'll take two please...

It's hard for people who are set in their ways to admit that they're wrong. This is an ongoing struggle I'm having with my interim boss, Smitty. He seems rather reluctant to admit that I am right on a good deal of the stuff that we deal with. He's been out of action for about a year now, and I have to admit that I didn't know a quarter of the things that I do now. For some reason he still feels the need to treat me like I just started working there and don't know my ass from a hole in the ground. He refuses to admit that I may actually know more than he does about air conditioning and duct work. I can be minding my own businees doing something right and he feels the need to cme up and completely tear it apart saying it's wrong. something as simple as making a piece of duct he drug out into a 2 hour ordeal in which i just took the kerfing tools from him and cut it myself while he stood over me saying it woulfn't come out right...and it did. So all of my accomlishments are nothing more than "luck" and they would have turned out better if i'd done them his way. I think i'm gonna crack if he keeps it up.

Buy 2, Get 1 Free....Sign me up.

Well i went to gamestop last weekend and picked up a few games for my PS2. Here are my thoughts on what I picked up:

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

Killer game. I also own GTA3, but for some reason this game is just so much more fun. The killer 80's soundtrack doesn't hurt a bit either. There's nothing like runing a drive-by while listening to "I Wear My sunglasses at Night". There was one mission in the beginning where I had to go all Scarface on this one guy with a chainsaw. Good stuff. For what a lot of people seem to think is a rehash of GTA3, I find that the soundtrack and the gameplay are a worthy investment. I love it personally.

Legaia 2: Duel Saga

This would probably be on of the most underrated RPG's I've ever run across. Legend of Legaia for the PS was an OK game, but lacked a lot of graphic detail. Legaia 2 makes up for it. It's unique combat system make for an interesting play experience. You fight by entering where your strike hits on your opponent. If you enter the right combination you learn Arts, which are super powered combos. As you level up you gain more Art Blocks, so you can enter more strikes per turn. It really is worth the experience. While the storyline is still kinda so-so, the gameplay itself is pretty fun

Enter the Matrix

Everybody and their brother has mixed opinions of this game. And on some counts I have to agree with a few of them. There is a certain "unfinished" quality to it. There have been several instances where the game will just go spastic for no apparent reason. The music in certain areas gets quirky and goes into an infinite repeat of the game 6 notes. Those are my only down notes for this game however. The action is top notch, and the Focus moves are awesome. The movie scenes between some scenarios are great, featuring the actual actors. I personally enjoy the hell out of the game. But I swear, if agent smith throws me off of one more skyscraper I'm gonna throw the game.

All in all, I think they were worthy purchases, though the game I'm really waiting for comes out at the end of next month.

The Job that never ends (reprise)

Just when youthought it was safe to answer your radio another laundry list of crap to do has sprung up for harbourview. So we've gotta do that sometime tomorrow. Today was a day of impossibilities. Things that are not really possible in refrigeration popped up all at once today. In addition to these the alternator in the worktruck died on us on the way back from the dump. So we got to change that on out. I'm starting to think that karma is nailing me for somethign that I might think about doing in the future. I have what I've always called pre-emptive karma. i get nailed for all the bad stuff before i do it. It's rather irritating really. nothing much to write about, just wanted to sign in and say hi to everybody.

:)

Dread Zeppelin always makes me smile.

Apologies

You're gonna have to excuse my rapid-fire depression and self pity posts of the last, oh, about 20 minutes. I've got a lot going on in my head at the moment. There's a lot of heavy things going on right now and I guess I need some sort of affirmation that something's going right. Though I really do feel like destroying something beautiful, my desrtuctive streak goes much deeper than that. I want to crush, maim and kill for no good reason at all. No one is on to talk to, and I have no urge to do anything. I've started no less than 3 projects in the last 20 minutes and I've made it no further than selecting a background color and text color. I have no desire to write, to create, to share, or to continue doing much of anything. There's no real reason to. All of my efforts end up in a Dead Projects folder. Trust me, there is such a folder, right on my desktop next to the shit can. Only one step away. I even set out to draw a little and got as far as bringing my case in from the car. Stacy is a prime example of why even try. here's someone who did it all by the book. perfect credit, perfect lifestyle. owns his own business. now it's all going to shit in less than one month I'm sure that ACS mechanical will be no more. It seems to be the end of a lot of things lately.

Dear Universe,
I'm sure that i've been a part of your personal Gag Reel lately. Why do you feel the need to bring everything to bear against me all at the same time? Have I not believed in your power and pull all this time? Have I not helped others to open their minds to possibilities that established organisations would rather we not think? Why do you sit up late at night and conspire against me? I would like answers. It's the least you could do at the moment. I think the game started when I was fourteen and you thought it would be funny to see how I persevere. Well I'll tell you. i've played by my own rules. I've lived my life how I see fit and kept true to every single one of my morals and beliefs. I haven't languished in self pity or angst like some would. Don't you think that was a pretty heavy load to thrust upon a teenager? I did everything right up until I turned 18. In the end you realise that it's all a waste and you've gone out of your way to prove it to me lately. If you could see clear to clear your schedule for a few minutes and tell me why it's so funny I'd appreciate it.

I'm done for the moment. I needed to get this off of my chest. There's nothing overtly wrong with my life, but everything just seems to be falling apart around me for everybody else. I want to destroy something beautiful...

I feel like destroying something beautiful

Welcome to the Gulag of intellectual stagnation

I'm always one to jump the gun. I'm impatient and very seldom late for much of anything. I fear my little rpg isn't going to go anywhere. I'd had such hopes for it before. Which is where I always fall short. I always envision grand things when in fact no noticible response is ever commited. I'm waiting on quite a few people to return emails for the playtest and despite my best efforts nothing is happening in the group I created for it. So I think i'll send it to the dead projects folder with several other of my industrious, but apparently ill-timed projects. I've been in something of this sort of mood all day. I feel grim things and grim news is on its way soon. perhaps grim is too harsh of a word...but perhaps unwanted might be a little better descriptor. it never fails that when I feel like i have a grasp on teh universe, something comes out of left field, something unpleasant. I think I'm looking for something to guide my pent up anger at. Unfortunately that something never fails to show up not long after I make the realisation. It's time for me to build another web page. I need something to vent all of my creative energies into. Something to use up this energy I have, perhaps for good...for I feel that evil isn't too far behind. My quest for acceptance continues...

The end of an era...

I was quite hung over from the hours of drinking and debauchery last night when I awakened at 10am this morning to a radio call from Smitty wanting to know if i wanted to go on a service call with him. Since I can't say no to work of course I agreed to go. Thank the gods that it wasn't a bad call. I returned home to the news that Barry White had died. This men was a sexual legend. His music and voice has helped thousands of men get laid over the years. He died of kidney failure at 58 years old. It saddened me immensely. As I stated before, he was a god. He never personally helped me get laid, but I'm sure that there are thousands, if not more, men that have had sex while Barry was singing in the background. If you're one of those people I think you should drop to your knees and thank god that he created such a man for without him you'd robably still be virgins.

ummm....OK

So, here's how I spend my fourth of july. I was playing Tetris Worlds on my PS2 and decided to give a go at some of the other play modes available. I'm a tetris purist. I don't believe any other game mode besides making lines out of blocks classifies as Tetris. So i try this mode called Hot Line Tetris. I'm doing my thing when I hear this voice on the TV "Try a Hot Line" I had to pause it because I couldn't believe what I'd heard. Madam Tetris wishes me to try a line...and a hot one at that. I mean really, I think they could have chosen better wordage for that particular mode. Now we're gonna get lawsuits because little timmy went out looking for his local Coke dealer so he could try a hot line. Tis a sad day when something as simple as Tetris endorses rampant drug use...and hot drugs at that. That is all.

Happy Usurpation of British Rule...

Well I just had to hop on and say happy fourth of july to all three of my readers. I haven't done much of anything lately. Working and kinda in a slump as to actually doing anything else. I've figured that I would pass the time by writing up some history on the twons in my RPG. I figured that I would write it as kind of a second book, seeing as how just the rules weighed in at over a meg in PDF form. Which is something I've been meaning to talk about. I'm not entirely happy with adobe acrobat. Yeah it makes for some nifty looking documents after you're done with it, but you can't "make" PDF's with it per se. You need to first make it in some other word procesing program and use the adobe distiller to turn it into a pdf, so you don't really make them, you just kind of convert them. And what you can actually do with it once it is a PDF is quite limited. It makes for a handy format since just about everybody has the Acrobat Reader on their computer. I might convert some of my other books to PDF for ease of use. I'm gonna start up the playtest on my rpg here soon, even though I'm waiting on emails from about 6 other people. I have myself and two other people in the group thus far so I could get a story started I guess. Stay tuned, I'll probably post updates as to how it's going periodically.

mmhmmm....

Well, Chad got ahold of Shadows of Undrentide for me. It's the Neverwinter Nights expansion pack. It's all right I guess. Though I'm only still in Chapter one, it seems like a rehash of the original. I mean in the beginning your mentor is poisoned by kobolds and four artifacts are stolen from him. of course it's your job to find them. Let's compare this to the original. A plague hits Neverwinter and teh only source of the cure is stolen. Four mythical creatures are the only means to cure neverwinter, and of course it's your job to find them, along with taking up shitgobs of sidequests. The same holds true for SoU. It was great the first time, but it just seems like a rehash in a ifferent town. The graphics aren't upgraded and thew action is about the same. They added a few Prestige classes which are pretty cool, but it's just not enough to make it all that much of an incredible expansion. The Diablo 2 expansion only had two new classes, but it had an entirely new act that was pretty damn cool. It made it entirely worth picking up, especially with the pllay upgrades. Shadows of Undrentide just seems to fall short. Any of the modules you can download can give you the same experience. As a matter of fact, i've been playing through a pretty cool one called The Shadowlords. I think it rocks and it was free. That's just my two cents on the matter. It just seems like i could have downloaded a module and gotten the same experience as the company created "Expansion"

WoOt!

I have the weekend off! All sorts of stuff happened yesterday. I started a civil war at work, I got my raise, and We're almost done at harbourview. Woot. So I picked up two new Exalted books today. I've kinda been meaning to for a while, but I just haven't had the funds available to do so. Now, granted, the books are thirty bucks a piece, but for them it's highly worth it. Each of them are roughly 3/4 the size of the original book, they're each hardcover and deal with only the aspect of the Exalted that they're titled to. I picked up the books on the Lunar Exalted and the Dragon-blooded. And I must say that they're very good reads. Exalted is White Wolf's stab at a fantasy setting RPG, and it works marvelously. Now if I can just find the Sidereal book i'll be good to go.

I also picked up Hunter S. Thompson's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" I picked up the actual book and not the movie (which I have as well). I read the book long before the movie came out and i found it most enjoyable. To be honest it was hilarious. I went to pick up Stephen Hawking's Illustrated history of Time and The Universe in a Nutshell, but I felt my ponderings into Quantum could wait until my next paycheck.

Thank God it's....some semblance of Friday...

TO most people it's Friday. Hopefully it's Friday for me as well. Everybody can say, well yeah, look at the calendar ya damn hippy. But by "Friday" I mean teh end of my work week. I didn't have much of a weekend last week and personally I'm worn out. I pretty well finished my RPG so I'm kinda at a loss for what to do. I've gotta get a few more people in the Group so I can run a real good party group playtest. I'm kinda at a loss for what to do now. The webcomic I've gotten down, though I still need to draw another board for it. I'm kinda waiting on the scanner to finish that, which hopefully will happen today. My RPG is written, which I've thrown myself into thoroughly for about the last month. It's kinda like finishing your life work and saying well what now? I've still gotta come up with a website design for the comic though, and I have some pretty good ideas for it. I learned CSS last week. suprisingly it took me the better part of an evening to figure out. I still have to cheat and look at a list i made of teh different attribute codes, but i'll memorize them all as I use it more. Rome wasn't built in a day and all that cliche crap. Anywho, off to work.

Cuz it's the Job that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends...

There are jobs. There are good jobs. There are bad jobs. Then, there are jobs that would be good if they would just ever end. Harbourview, one of our larger pains in the ass, er, I mean lucrative accounts, has now officially taken forever. We should have been done with this monster of concrete and steel over a month ago. It didn't happen that way. Everytime we're just about done and ready to call for inspection something else comes up that involves diving head first into another batch of problems. Stacy has been at work lately. though I don't think he should be, he's been lurking in the shadows making material lists for me and such. I can understand the mentality though. I know if I were given the prognosis that he was I'd be looking for any excuse not to think about it. He thinks people don't notice him kneeling in the corner holding his stomach or the pained look he gets from climbing a ladder, but we do.

Speaking of things that never seem like they're going to be done, I've reached a point in my RPG where I feel that it's "done" for a bit. I know from experience that playtest erases all of those feelings. Then again, that's what playtest is for. So, for those who have been waiting with baited breath...noth of you, it's ready to throw a storyline at. I know I'm sarcastic, and sometimes almost caustic when it comes to my accomplishments, but I have a bad case of "you're your own worst critic" syndrome bad. I love what i do. i love the things that I write. But just like everybody else I'm too critical about how it comes out. I know I draw well, but I look at everybody else's and realise that I'm not even at the same level that these other people are. It's a hard mirror to look into at times. I realise that these people have gone to school and taken classes, yada yada yada. I'm self-taught in everything that I do. i'm constantly trying to improve myself and my situation. But I don't feel like I've made it anywhere. It's probably something akin to the famous middle child feeling though I'm the oldest.

i've been feeling my age lately. not a whole lot considering I'm only 26, but there are extenuating circumstances to all of it. I have an enlarged heart. And I've been feeling that a lot lately. There are times at work that it feels like it's coming out of my chest from simply doing what I always do. It bothers me at times. My chest hurts and I can't explain why because I've been sitting for ten minutes. My doctor looked at me and told me when I was 14 that it was a ticking timebomb. A LOT of people will find this a suprise because I don't tell people about it. I don't want sympathy, and I don't want to be handled with kid gloves. I want to live my life how I want to; do the things that I want to. When the time comes, it just does. I guess seeing stacy the way he is kinda makes me think about it a little more.

I almost feel sorrow for the truly creative. I know what it's like to have three thousand thoughts going through your mind at once. Each one travels a strange course that ultimately arrives at a truly inspiring destination. I constantly have the urge to create and to destroy. I want to make something beautiful, tear it down to make something magnificent. I'm not happy simply creating and leaving good enough alone. I am constantly looking for the thread of inspiration that leads all great people to their one masterpiece. I don't know if I've found it yet, but I'm still looking. Great things come to those who wait and all that smack.

The Fools....

I arrived home to a pleasant surprise. I am now the proud owner of an EPA certification. It was a hard fought battle but I finally came out on top. This is my fourth time taking the EPA test, failing it by one question each previous time. This time I figured that I had passed it since he didn't even mail it off until almost a week after I took it. That was a story in and of itself. So now I am certified by the EPA to not only work on residential air conditioning units, but larger Low Pressure commercial Chiller units as well. WoOt. If the fools at the EPA knew what kind of power they had just unleashed upon the unsuspecting public, then I imagine they would have posted my picture at all of the local supply houses. That is all.

My Geekdom reaches Critical Mass...

I've spent the better part of today working on my RPG. I did a bunch more pictures and added the different races. While most people would say "Oh, that's not too bad.", lemme explain. When I originally created this world I was twelve years old, running an AD&D game. As children of that age tend to overdo things I fell into it entirely. I created what was then called "The Illythia Elven Language" It was a rather unimaginative. But as I've grown, and experienced more of the world; more literature, more games, etc, the language has grown and changed. While I kept the original names for the races I'd created, I expended and pared down the language I'd created 14 years ago. It's soon to be added to my new RPG. I include it mainly for the players' benefites. it adds a bit of flavor to their elven characters. While writing this stuff this afternoon I suddenly felt like one of those trekkies who created the Klingon language...but it was for my own creation not out of fandom. The races, while still following the traditional Human, Elf, Dwarf, evil reflection of said races paradigm, are substantially different. Even then I wasn't satisfied with these cookie cutter races. There had to be more to them besides just "Elves don't like Dwarves. They had a war and it sucked" I created reasons why, other than some mythical war. I created a subrace, andwhat these races call themselves, not just the human name for them. They have their own culture and language besides human. I mean really. THIS is why I feel my geekdom is slowly taking over...like some Bruce Banner syndrome. Don't make me write...you won't like me when I write....

*yawn* it's too damn early

I know I didn't post yesterday...and I'm sorry to all 3 of my readers.i just didn't really feel like coming out here on the computer. I've been drawing a lot more, working on the game, which is actually about finished with a playtest type version. If it's one thing that I've discovered about writing RPG's is that they're kinda like a webpage. You're never really "done" with either of them, you're just done for now. So I'm gonna start playtesting it probably within the next week. Chad has XP and Office (hopefully) back on his coputer, so either by PDF or .doc he can read the thing. I'm kinda excited about the prospect of actually going through with this webcomic thing. If I had a scanner I'd start doing some boards now, but I have to wait until I get paid to get one. AND I need to pick up a USB hub since my two USB posrts are full. I have too much stuff to put into there between the webcam, my joystick, gamepad, cable modem, and soon to be scanner.

All Philospohical...

I'm driving my car back from Gulf Breeze and I start to think on things. I usually do this, but my philosophical side seemed to want to say something this afternoon. Life is much like a symphony. You can spend years or perhaps your lifetime itself creating a beautiful harmony for yourself. You can spend years writing it, and suddenly things become discordant. Your clef is off or some menial mistake, but you go back, search and find your errors, improving it, making it beautiful for the world. But just one harmony isn't enough to make a symphony sing, you need more. So you find the counter-melody for your harmony. The sound and emotion swell to an enormous crescendo. But yet again we must find more...more for our Magnum Opus. So we bring a third harmony in, possibly more and everything is beautiful and incredibly serene. There may yet possibly be more errors, more discord to come into your grand symphony, but we all press on. We strive for that one perfect piece in our lives, and try to turn our whole lives into a masterpiece not even the gods are worthy of.

More Stories from Hell

This just keeps getting better and better. As if I haven't bored you guys enough yet, this one tops all of it. The little psycho nut niece has sent me a darling little email in my box. I think that everybody officially has this email now, but for those who don't here it is. It's good stuff. Somebody oughta wash her mouth out with soap and fill her in on how the world really works.

LOL oh my gosh! You are pathetic Mikers. I am gonan make your life MORE hell than it already is...My fucking god. WHy are you to afraid to face up to Becky...since you already fucknig lied to her, made her feel like shit and here's you saying 'I have been banging my head all day about it' Your shit you know that...i don't care who the hell cares that your soooo nice and sweet....your shit! Well...thats what Becky thought too...until you broke her fucking heart and you didn;t even fucknig care! Figures though...you dont care about anything in life, and i hope your darling baby, when it's born, knows what it's like to have a screwed up father who cheated on his wife, what 2 times? And I am gonna keep doing this shit to you in your blogs, guestbooks, anywhere where your name is filled at...lol. Now you know what it's like to break someone's heart who I also love very much...I don't like people breaking other people's hearts...and for that you will pay for that. Lifke is gonna be soooooooo fun Mikers...WHy don't you do your happy dance while your at it? Or ummm, how about blocking my address huh? Then again...who cares...Becky found someone new, someone who isn't stupid enough to break her heart because my uncle can actually have fun with her...not like you did!!! I hope Vyonne divorses you, cause i would. Why don't you just tell Becky and me the truth? Like you always did...or wait...were those lies too? Ya know what...do me a favor and rip up those boxers we gave you...stick those M&M's up you ass...and die. Because if you die....im not really gonna care...just kill yourself right now...so i can be happy...since you made me likfe hell as it is too! Damn...or just fuck off!

SPike_y

p.s. WHen your gonna say something to Becky about me...tell it to MY face...unless your afraid of a 13 year old...lol...then again you always are!


Boy, was that a doozy or what. Good stuff. Really. Really knows how to lay on the guilt trip. Those of you who know me know how I am and how I feel about this kind of thing. They also know it's not even a possibility in my vocabulary. But I figured hey why not share the wealth. Unfortunately I don't believe that I'm going to be getting any more of these since I've decided to stop being a gentleman about this and just flat out ignore them again. I'm sure that they're gonna hunt me down here. But you know what...I don't really care. They can't leave comments and since I'm gonna let my email account expire I won't be getting anymore mail there either. Oh well, it was hell while it lasted, but it's given me a free laugh these last few days. And the threatening to do something to my guestbooks...that would probably come in handy if I hadn't set them all up so that I'm the only one that can allow entries...shame really. So say goodbye to my little psycho rantings from the peanut gallery, cuz they're going away. I've had enough of dealing with this pair of beligerent people. With their petty accusations and their guilt trips. enough of their babbling and their threats. My conscience is clean at the moment. So if you're reading this, and I have a feeling that you are...goodbye for good this time.

The First "Best of"...

I'll no doubt put up another Blog tonight, but I thought I'd kick off my Best Of, and I do use that word lightly. If you can consider any of these to be a "Best Of" then I guess you need help as much as I do :) anywho here's the first one. It's a nice little bit where I got Yvonne's Hospital bill when we had to go in because the pain in her side was getting to be too much for her.

"Seig Heil to the hospital system. After what would have been a pretty damn decent day I coe home to a hospital bill from when my wife had to go to the ER. After nearly fainting to the tune of $1600 I decided to come online and vent my frustrations. I understand that costs are what they are, and I know everybody's heard the griping about the $12 aspirin, but come on....sixteen HUNDRED dollars. I know after my recent visits due to nifty private reasons that god I'm glad I have insurance because I'd be truly in debt. Anyway, just thought i'd give the good ole salute to the hospital system what's bleeding my wallet dry

posted by Mike V. @ 9:16:25 PM, Monday, July 29, 2002 "

It's not one of my classics but it's still pretty good. I'll be putting them up sporadically so keep coming back...PLEASE

These two are funny...

Yet more replies from the other peanut gallery. This is some great stuff. No, I mean really. I think i laughed until I cried over this one. Lemme bring everybody up to par. He niece left this horrible comment in my other blog. So I wrote the adult of the pair and asked her to kindly stop leaving this stuff in my blogs. SHe can sendme whatever hate mail she wants for deciding that my real life took precedence over my online life. Thought I was being a rational human being. Guess I wasn't. Here's what today's entry consisted of in her Blog. This is good stuff. I think it should get an oscar, cuz it had me crying in my chair.

giggles
apparently whatever it is that you did to mikers, he thinks i did it... smiles, he also thinks that we have 'alternate' blogs like he does and that we feel the need to hide things from him... hmmmmm
he sent me an email this morning saying that he did delete his blog, and that he wishes to be left alone because he 'knew' it would turn out this way... i wonder, does he mean that he knew he was gonna get her pregnant and then lie to us about when it happened, and then run and hide from us and pretend we didn't exist anymore? ya think he knew all of that ahead of time?? wish he would have told me, i would have started crying a long time ago and then hopefully would have been done with it by now...

as for being called a skank... giggle squeak... tell your dad if he would let you pick out some decent clothes... hee hee... and as for being a 'beautiful intelligent totally cute hottie' (or whatever else that crap stands for) just smile and say thankies to them... hee hee


as for me, i am fine... frightened insecure neurotic and emotional.... can we say thankies mikers... and we love you anyways...

:: darkest 2:02 PM [+] ::

I couldn't write better comedy. It's good stuff. Today went pretty well actually. had a good work day for a change. Came home, drank a few beers and came out here to Blog for a few minutes. This life of mine just keeps getting weirder and weirder

And then there was nothing...

Well after an eventful weekend, today was absolutely boring. There wasn't really too much going on. Run of the mill work day. Work is going good on my RPG. I've gotten it converted over to PDF so Chad doesn't have to bother himself with installing Office. ;) I've started drawing some filler art for those oh so bothersome nearly empty pages. Things are going pretty well. I'm gonna install Macromedia Freehand again later and see if I can get used to drawing on the computer. I really need to since my quest for a scanner has gone by the wayside in lieu of more important things. So hopefully I'll have all of the nifty stuff that I want to have done within maybe, oh, about 2 weeks or so. But then again deadlines are made to be broken...just ask LucasArts.

The roadtrip to Tallahassee went pretty well uneventful. After some excruciating radio stations things went pretty smoothly. We picked up the package and got out of Tallahassee without much event. We had a lot of fun both to and from so I can count it as a success. And thankfully Chad didn't get anymore tickets ;) Anywho, I'm getting back to my art and am gonna give Freehand another college try.

Of gaming and tournaments....

Well there's a few things going on today. For starters there's a Soul Calibur tourney going on tonight at the cafe....in theory anyway. I'm already the King of Iron Fist, why not add one more accolade to my hat. The in theory part pertains to the fact that this tourney was supposed to be last weekend, but there wasn't enough people for it at that point, so it's supposed to be tonight. I'll hold my breath and see if it happens. I'm kinda excited. I don't get to play too many people really. I whip the computers ass on a regular basis. It's a sad state of affairs when you set the computer to Ultra Hard and last stage difficulty and walk through it without so much as a heavy breath. Human opponents are so much more fun. They get huffy when you do things to them. They cry No Fair and That's Cheap. But you know what....I don't really care. If i win, i'll do it by doing whatever I need to. My fighting style seems to elude people though. Everybody tries to set up for the big 20 hit combo or the crushing air juggles or what have you. I simply do what works for the situation. That's not to say that I don't know the big combos, but that I prefer not to use them because they leave you predictable and weak when they miss. Oh well enough Art of War stuff, now onto the really interesting part.

I'm writing yet another RPG. This one is a fantasy setting based on a world I created for AD&D god knows how many years ago. I've gotten into writing RPG's because I've played so many of them. There's so many things that piss me off about other RPG systems that I've taken it upon myself to make my own from time to time. This latest system is based on the Spy Hunter system I mentioned in my other blog sometime last year. It's been expanded and revised to not only keep it diceless, but to make up for the elemnts in other RPG's that I consider "shortcomings" My biggest bitch about other systems is that too much time is spent during character creation. Palladium, which make some incredible RPG settings, is my biggest area of problem. It takes no less than 4 hours to make a character, most of that time is spent sifting through reams of pages on skills and percentages and all that stuff. Then at the end of all of that you have this Moger list of skills, most of which fall along the lines of Underwater Basket Weaving and you'll never use again. And you still don't have a character that you feel is yours. I call this JAFS, or "Just an Average Fighter Syndrome" The system I created uses broad general categories of skills, of which the player selects what he wants the skill to be. even further as the character progresses in levels he can choose where the bonuses go, so the character trains how the player wants them to.

The other incredible pain in the ass belongs to the AD&D system. They have their own skill problems, but where they really lack is the Magic system. Mages are created to die in AD&D. pure and simple. They begin the game with up to 4 hit points. they can't wear armor or carry weapons other than staves or dagger. Then they get two bullshit spells. They have the average life expectancy of a Human Marine in StarCraft. Then when you do get spells, all of them seem to fall under about 6 general categories, the only diffeence being they do more damage, or affect a different element. So i revised the system, simplified it, put it more into the players hands where their magic went. I broke magic down into 7 categories again and allow the layer to select what they do. so they can have a large selection of what they can cast. They can also carry armor and weapons that their Strength will allow them to, so the mage can, if they're out of magic, swing a sword, and wear chainmail. it's all up to the player how their character goes. I like it so far and I'm fairly open for playtesting if anybody is interested. It's quite a diverse system that I think could really take off in the PBEM games as well as a sit down scenario. Lemme know if anybody is interested. It's currently in word format, but I'm thinking of converting it to PDF so everybody has the ability to play.

On the Bright Side...

I've somehow, through some minor glitch in the Blogger software, managed to access my old blog from the address that I used to publish it to, so pre-March 12th I have somehow managed to back up. As, what i haope, is a bonus, I will be reposting some of the more interesting posts as a kind of "Best of" section probably on Friday nights or really whenever I feel like it. There's been some stuff that I got an incredible reader feedback on. I feel it just wouldn't be right to completely disregard these little jewels of wisdom and hilarity. SO I guess just keep an eye out for them.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name...

You just want to belong somewhere. Where there's no hassles, no headaches, no whining. Where you can just hang out and do what you want to do. The internet in theory is supposed to be one of those places. Where you can log in anonymously and do what you feel like with minimal repercussions, as long as you follow the law. I feel like my privacy has been violated...yet again. Can I have nothing for myself? Must I defend myself...run and hide because somebody else can't leave well enough alone. I live and let live on so many levels and through so much of my everyday life that I often wonder why that can't transfer here. For someone who said that all I had to do was tell her to go away, and she would, no questions asked, someone sure has a bad habit of doing things to try and harm me. I don't think it's humorous, intelligent, or even evil. It's damn vindictive. I've left you alone pretty damn well for a long time now and then I find that crap not only in my Blogger, but the stuff I've quoted below in yours? I'm tired of being hurt by juvenile things. I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I've got enough stress in my life with a child on the way, my boss, someone whom I look up to and consider a close friend, dying probably within the next two years, reduced income from lack of work, because said boss is sick with COLON CANCER you insensitive bastard. You had to pick now to play your childish games. You had to pick the one time where I'm feeling weak to strike. That is ok though. For now I know what I'm dealing with, and you have nothing left to hurt me with. All of the cards are on the table and your time is come. I'll sign on when and where i feel like it. I don't avoid signing onto MSN because I'm scared of running into you. I don't sign onto MSN to avoid the bullshit. If I don't want to be found, I won't be. If i don't want to be talked to, I won't hear you. And if I want to strike, and lower myself, then I will do so with impunity. But I don't, and I won't....I won't be pushed so you can take your words and your problems and bother someone else with them. I tried to take the quiet way out and didn't resort to anything brash until now, even though I've been reading things the whole time. So consider your next move carefully, for I may not hold back next time.

You'd be suprised at what a woman will do....

You know someone for a few years and you think that you know them. Women are a very fickle creature, and the addage "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" will forever hold true. But you'd think that just because things didn't work out in whatever capacity that they'd try to be, um, a little mature. I'll present below some excepts from her Blog, just to show how juvenile one person can be.

:: Thursday, June 12, 2003 ::

giggles, geeeeee i didn;t do it...LOL
:: Spike_y 8:53 PM [+] ::
...
giggles, it has conveniently disappeared... hmmmm
:: darkest 3:42 PM [+] ::
...
:: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 ::
whats the web-site to miker blogsite again?!?!?!
:: Spike_y 8:11 PM [+] ::
...
:: Saturday, June 07, 2003 ::
LOL. HE is a sissy, he's afraid to even show his face on msn messenger, and now a new blog spot? Whata whimp! GOsh, i'm getting REAL annoyed by getting Joey's information, well, i got EVERYTHING right, all but the ISP thingie!! I can't get it!!! lol...gotta go call him, hee hee
:: Spike_y 5:59 PM [+] ::
...
:: Friday, June 06, 2003 ::
psssttt... mikers has a new blogger that he's been hiding from us on... hee hee... i can't believe he is such a sissy
:: darkest 10:39 AM [+] ::
...

I haven't talked with these people since about March or so. It's this kind of mentality that keeps reminding me over and over again that there is no real reason for me to share my life online. Now do you see the crap I deal with and why I don't come online much anymore. We'll not even speak of the comment that left me with this new blog, but I think that I'll be a much happier person if I can stay unaccosted for a while. I thought I was rid of the hassle, but some people just can't resist falling to the level of a twelve year old. If I've pissed anybody off in the past, so be it, but the past is the god damned past, and though i may not have the words, actions or emotions to give you what you want to hear or get from me, live happily ever after knowing that I was in everybody's lives for a short period of time.

There's a few other things that must be said about this new Blog. First and foremost there are a few reasons why My other Blog is gone. First and foremost, Blogger lost it for whatever reason when they went to the new system. No biggie to me really. I mean Adventures in Chronic Delirium was old, and it wasn't evolving the way I wanted it to, so it kinda came as a refreshing change. Secondly it seems that I was developing something of a, how do you say it, unsavory comment base. In my current dark moods I really didn't need to look at it, especially ones like I got a few days ago. So in light of that, this new Blog was born. I'll be completely honest with everybody who reads this thing. I'm tired, I'm stretched incredibly thin, and I don't particularly need any added hassle. Not only is someone I consider an incredibly close friend, and someone I look up to, dying, and doing so immediately, but there are many more things going on in my life without psychotic rants and flaming in my comments section. There's a reason why this is no longer a public Blog, and as soon as I get my own server space up and running it's going to be far less public. I do this to share my feelings with everybody out there, something that doesn't come easy to me to begin with. It's a place I cherish that I may either inform, enlighten, stir up emotions, or just simply entertain for a few brief moments. I don't need personal grudges or reminders of my past coming up in here. If you're here to try and humiliate me, then please by all means, just leave. Those I may have hurt or pissed off in the past, leave it there. I have far too much going on in my present to worry about things from my past.

Doctor's have it easy on so many counts. Besides the obvious benefits of an incredible pay scale, they have the simple luxury of being able to present bad news to people with a straight face. My boss Stacy, whom I've been mentioning the last few weeks, was diagnosed with Colon Cancer a few weeks ago. They removed about 6 inches of his colon and thought that they'd gotten all of it. They removed numerous lymph nodes to check and found that half of them were cancerous They were still optimistic at that point. Deciding to start chemo five days a month for six months to make sure they got it all. They did a few tests the other day and found it in his liver as well. They told him yesterday afternoon that he had 2-5 years to live. to make things even worse they told him yesterday afternoon that he only had a 50% chance to live 2 years, a 30% chance to live for 5 and even after that there was only a 8% chance that he'd go into remission. That's pretty crushing news to give to someone with a straight face. Stacy and I have become incredibly close over the last 3 years. We've basically been together 8+ hours a day since i started working there. This all is hitting me pretty hard. Those who know me know that i'll put on a good front and laugh through everything, but i just can't do that. Stacy is someone i've grown to look up to. He's an incredible person who hasn't been cut a break since day one. He's done everything right, no smoking, drinking or drugs. He eats healthy and gets as much excercise as his back will let him. To have a bombshell like this drop is simply unimagineable to me. There are some cruel gods out there. So in closing, I wish I could just look at things like a doctor and not have to go home and feel like screaming at the universe at large over how unfair it all is.