Apologies

You're gonna have to excuse my rapid-fire depression and self pity posts of the last, oh, about 20 minutes. I've got a lot going on in my head at the moment. There's a lot of heavy things going on right now and I guess I need some sort of affirmation that something's going right. Though I really do feel like destroying something beautiful, my desrtuctive streak goes much deeper than that. I want to crush, maim and kill for no good reason at all. No one is on to talk to, and I have no urge to do anything. I've started no less than 3 projects in the last 20 minutes and I've made it no further than selecting a background color and text color. I have no desire to write, to create, to share, or to continue doing much of anything. There's no real reason to. All of my efforts end up in a Dead Projects folder. Trust me, there is such a folder, right on my desktop next to the shit can. Only one step away. I even set out to draw a little and got as far as bringing my case in from the car. Stacy is a prime example of why even try. here's someone who did it all by the book. perfect credit, perfect lifestyle. owns his own business. now it's all going to shit in less than one month I'm sure that ACS mechanical will be no more. It seems to be the end of a lot of things lately.

Dear Universe,
I'm sure that i've been a part of your personal Gag Reel lately. Why do you feel the need to bring everything to bear against me all at the same time? Have I not believed in your power and pull all this time? Have I not helped others to open their minds to possibilities that established organisations would rather we not think? Why do you sit up late at night and conspire against me? I would like answers. It's the least you could do at the moment. I think the game started when I was fourteen and you thought it would be funny to see how I persevere. Well I'll tell you. i've played by my own rules. I've lived my life how I see fit and kept true to every single one of my morals and beliefs. I haven't languished in self pity or angst like some would. Don't you think that was a pretty heavy load to thrust upon a teenager? I did everything right up until I turned 18. In the end you realise that it's all a waste and you've gone out of your way to prove it to me lately. If you could see clear to clear your schedule for a few minutes and tell me why it's so funny I'd appreciate it.

I'm done for the moment. I needed to get this off of my chest. There's nothing overtly wrong with my life, but everything just seems to be falling apart around me for everybody else. I want to destroy something beautiful...