An actual post. I tend to think a lot, since I have an abundance of time to do so. I've realised that I thrive on fear. A great majority of my life is spent overcoming my fears and inabilities. yes, we all have them, but a lot of us spend a lot of our time hiding them or running from them. This is counter-productive. There's a lot of things in this world that I'm afraid of and I have no problem admitting that. A lot of them are personal in nature and so I spend a lot of my time working on them. Posting this novel I wrote for instance is one of those things. I have a deep rooted fear of rejection and the general "my own worst critic" syndrome. I'm also not that good at writing "intimate" things. And so I face many of my fears through not only my writing, but going out on a limb so to speak by acting at all. I had a fear of speaking in public for a vast majority of my life, and so I took drama in high school. I constantly seek approval and acceptance from those around me. Yes, I'm insecure and my self esteem is probably shot for life, but you know I'm not afraid to admit that and take steps to work past these things. I don't think my writing is up to par and even if it is, I'll probably never believe it, but I refuse to live in fear of rejection because of it. This is a big item in my life, fear of rejection, fear of failing, fear of just not being good enough. But that doesn't mean that it has to rule my life. I always faced that situation when I'd see some people from high school that I had a crush on or such and years later have the gonads to say as such, and almost without fail I hear "well why didn't you say something, I'd have gone on a date with you." Well damn! It is these moments where I decided that I wasn't going to live in fear of my own shadow and speak my mind whether for good or ill. You can't necessary change the past, but you are in almost complete control of your future. So take the reigns and live a little. That is all
Mahalo
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