vibes?

There are times where im very good at reading people. Noticing body language, subtle changes in speech, changes in habits. There are times where my mind is my own worst enemy. I tend to overthink, read too much into things, pick up on patterns that may or may not be there. The problem is that with patterns they're entirely subjective to the observer. If you stare at something long enough you'll see what you want to see. The other problem is that sometimes the pattern you're perceiving is the correct one. Much like Schroedinger's cat though, you'll never know until you open the box. Then all you can do is sit back and see a dead cat when you were so hoping for a live one.

The point is that there are hundreds of little clues everyday getting tossed into your face like a pair of panties at a strip club. How you fit the pieces together may or may not be the right way. The person that used to say I love you as soon as you told them the same suddenly doesn't say it back. Does that mean they don't love you anymore? Does it mean that they're getting tired of saying it? Who the hell knows. Maybe they're just tired and not feeling that well. Hell if I know. The person who used to call you the moment they woke up and now doesn't and sleeps in? Is there a sign there to look out for or is it just paranoia and they just want some god damn sleep? While it could be disconcerting to the person on one side of this, it doesn't mean that there's anything to worry about. Or it means there's everything to worry about. Hell im tired of thinking and just wish I could be blissfully ignorant like a normal person for once in my life.

There's a lot of people who would say that im very perceptive. There's a lot of people who would say that im self-sabotaging. That last one is especially true at times. Im very much a creature of habit and don't sometimes handle change all that well. A friend once said that im a defender and a helper. Both of those are very true. But its the second part of her statement that I have yet to type that I feel is crucial to the study of the woody Mikey. She said, but what happens when the person doesn't need you anymore. You've helped them far too well and they don't need to be helped. You start to feel rejected and distance yourself. And this second part is true. There have been so many important people in my life and the sad, inevitable truth is that sometimes they don't need your help anymore and they move past you. People will always move on and unfortunately there is such a thing as being too good a guy. You just have to prepare yourself for the time when someone important in your life no longer needs your help and learn how to handle it. Im having a hard time with it personally...I always have. I feel so empty and longing to feel the warmth of someone needing you again, needing you to protect them. It'll happen to everyone at some point whether its your children, your friends, lovers, even your parents. At one point everyone will go from needing you, to you helping them past their problems and no longer needing you.